Agony Aunt

Cheating partners by Ask Agony Aunt. The thing about a partner that cheats on you is that it usually happens to someone else and then you can sympathise and say all of the right noises and show sympathy for them when they come to you very upset when they find out. But all of us risk being that someone else. It is easy to say that if a person is happy at home they do not stray but it is not quite that simple. Some people are very kind, loving, sexy, exciting, a lot of fun, interesting, passionate and do all of the right things for their spouse or lover and yet their spouse or lover will still stray. Why? Either because they are not cut out to be in a 1 2 1 relationship and would not be able to stay faithful to any person regardless of who it is and how they behave - natural players - or they become bored quickly and start to look elsewhere given the opportunity.

But most who stray do so because the excitement and passion has gone out of their relationship and they see this as a solution. One which is very selfish and not thought through! Why do I say that? Well for one thing. If a guy is in a relationship with a woman and the sex has stopped he should either tell her that they must sort things out OR that they are separating. Not lie to her and cheat on her behind her back. Also, his relationship with his partner does not get sorted out by him playing away from home. He is merely putting off sorting out what needs sorting and it will get worse if he is at home less and sneaking around.

There is also another important point. If he cannot make it worth with his existing partner and he goes out looking for another (secret) partner he will probably make all of the same mistakes with this new person and spoil that thing too.

But can you imagine being a woman who is asked by a married man to see him in secret behind his wife's back when he can sneak away because he has no sex anymore with the wife?! No intelligent woman would be interested. Hence the married person may say they will leave their spouse as soon as they can or that they cannot leave because of finances or the children in the hope that the potential secret lover feels sorry for them and foregoes their own happiness to give them what they want. Which is very selfish. Most of the women who contact us for advice about love affairs and relationships do so because they have got involved with such a person and then regret it. Yet they knew that the person they were getting involved with was married or in a relationship when they got involved! Daft eh. Some crave being loved so much that they mistake opportunists and chancers for people who will care about them.